Someone Better Drug Test that Guy

Hannah was speaking in her heart; only her lips moved, and her voice was not heard. Therefore Eli took her to be a drunken woman. And Eli said to her, “How long will you go on being drunk? Put your wine away from you.” 1 Samuel 1:13-14

I’m sure some people had their suspicions about my drug use, but when my addiction suddenly came to light, it was a shock to most. To those who worked with me and knew me best though, it probably explained some things. So that’s what’s been going on with him. I hadn’t been coming to work drunk or stumbling around intoxicated. I used my pills in secret, desperately careful to keep others from finding out – except that it’s difficult to maintain an opioid addiction without displaying any outward signs. My personality did change. I was irritable and short-tempered. Now, since everyone knows about my past addiction, if my personality abruptly changed and I once again became ill-tempered, always appearing exhausted, those around me would and should worry. Someone better drug test that guy.

That which is inside of me, inevitably spills out, whether I want it to or not. Sober now, I hope that others can see that I’m attempting to live every day in faith and recovery. I’d like to believe that it’s obvious to anyone who knew me back then, that I’m now pursuing a different life. If I ever appear to be acting strangely now, I’d like it to be because I’m filled with God, not drugs.

That which is inside of us, eventually spills out. This is illustrated in today’s passage, in which Hannah, who’d been unable to have children, went to the temple to cry out to God. Eli, the priest, observed her to be passionately moving her lips without speaking, and thought she was drunk. Hannah though, wasn’t intoxicated with alcohol. Rather, she was filled with anguish and, not caring what anyone else thought, took her concerns passionately to God. To the observer, it looked like she’d been drinking. To God though, it looked like faith.

What is spilling out of me today? That which flows out of me today reflects that which I’ve been filling myself with lately. If I’ve been using drugs, others may not know the exact cause, but they’ll recognize that something is off. If, however, I’ve been daily pointing my life at God, attempting to follow his will, filling myself with him, that will be obvious as well. That guy is not normal. If people ever find my behavior to be unusual, I’d like it to be because I’m living for God’s will, not my own.