The Worst Version of Me

And as morning appeared, the woman came and fell down at the door of the man’s house where her master was, until it was light. Judges 19:26

In my opioid addiction, I became someone I didn’t much like or even recognize. Looking back, it’s hard to believe that it was me who lied, cheated, and stole, but it was me. I did those things. Though I started out pursuing something I thought I wanted, that thing gradually consumed my life until it made my decisions for me. There was no longer right and wrong. There was just my appetite. I acted terribly, becoming the worst version of myself that I’ve ever known. I hated what I was doing, and I hated who I was, but I had no one to blame but myself. I’d gotten there simply by doing whatever I wanted.

This is the same terrible phenomenon that happened in today’s passage, which must be one of the worst stories in the Bible. It’s a story I’ve always despised, and I intended to simply skip it as I progressed through the book of Judges. It is however, an accurate but appalling example of humanity at its absolute worst. As the passage describes, it’s what happened when Everyone did what was right in his own eyes (Judges 17:6).

In the passage, a man and his mistress were provided overnight lodging by a stranger as they were traveling through Gibeah. During the night, some local ruffians surrounded the house, demanding that the visitor be sent out so the mob may sexually assault him. The owner of the house refused and eventually the mistress was sent out, only to be gang raped and murdered. The next morning, the visitor, finding his dead mistress, cut her body into 12 pieces, sending parts of her throughout Israel, sparking a war to avenge the abominable behavior of the mob. It’s a horrific story of the worst version of man, when he has no limits and does whatever he desires.

When I follow my way, I become the worst possible version of myself. Thankfully though, the opposite is true as well. In daily abandoning my way to follow God’s, he transforms me into the best version of myself – the man he created me to be. I’m far from perfect, but today, I can look in the mirror without hating the person looking back. I like my new life of faith and recovery. So today, and every day, I’m going to keep working at abandoning my way for God’s as he continues to make me the best version of myself.