What I Should Do and What I Want to Do

But his father and mother said to him, “Is there not a woman among the daughters of your relatives, or among all our people, that you must go to take a wife from the uncircumcised Philistines?” But Samson said to his father, “Get her for me, for she is right in my eyes.” Judges 14:3

I have a fuzzy memory of getting in trouble with my mother as a young child. I had a friend over one day and when it was time for him to go home, my mom directed me to take a nap. My friend suggested that instead of taking a nap, I should sneak off to his house with him. I wanted to do that, so I did. When my mother discovered I wasn’t taking a nap, she called my friend’s mom and had me sent home. It was then her job to teach me about rules. These rules were external to me, often conflicting with my preferences. How I wanted to behave wasn’t the same as how I should behave. This is parenting 101. If my mother had taught me that the right thing to do was whatever I wanted to do, she’d have been a terrible mother, and I’d have turned out to be a terrible person. Thankfully, she was a good mother, attempting to teach me that my appetite should not be my god.

For all her efforts though, I still struggle with this. When I’m making any decision, it’s still my nature to first ask – What do I want to do? What I should be asking is – What’s the right thing to do? This is a profound life problem. The most obvious manifestation of this has been my drug addiction, but 10 years sober and this is still a daily struggle. As a Christian, I believe that God sets the rules that should govern my life. As a 52-year-old man though, I still just want to do whatever I want to do, and that often isn’t physically or spiritually healthy.

What we want often lies in conflict with what’s right. That’s the lesson of today’s passage. In the story, we’re introduced to Samson, the next in a line of Israel’s judges, who saw a pretty Philistine girl and wanted her. So, he demanded that his parents arrange a marriage. Knowing that intermarriage with idol-worshippers was forbidden by God, his parents attempted to correct his course – This isn’t right.  But Samson’s morality was determined only by his appetite. I want this so it’s right for me (my paraphrase).

I’ve often done this. When I want something unhealthy badly enough, I convince myself that it’s OK for me. I deserve it. It’s only later, when suffering the consequences, that I can see my failure. Daily, if I desire to experience the life God wants for me, I must continually ask not – What do I want? Rather, I should be continually asking – What does God want?