When I Say Things I’ll Later Regret

Did you not hate me and drive me out of my father’s house? Why have you come to me now when you are in distress? Judges 11:7

When in med school, a buddy and I would go for a run every day over our lunch break. One day, while running, a couple of young girls drove by and yelled out the window – Run, Forest, run! Apparently quite amused with themselves, we could see them laughing . . . until the light turned red at the next intersection and they had to stop. They were mortified, quickly rolling up their windows, as we caught up with them and waved. Impulsively, they’d said something without thinking it would ever catch up with them. But it did.

I’ve been there. Once, in a work meeting, I tried to be clever, making a joke at the expense of someone who wasn’t present. It didn’t take long for word to get back to him. As he approached me just a couple hours later, I could see the hurt and anger. Oh-no. How do I get out of this? But there was no getting out of it. Impulsively, I’d said something without thinking that it would come back to haunt me. But it did.

Often, in our impulsiveness, we say and do hurtful things without thinking of the consequences. That’s the lesson of today’s passage. In the story, Jephthah, the son of a prostitute had been exiled from his community because of his status as an illegitimate child. The passage also tells us though that Jephthah was a mighty warrior. So, when attacked by the Ammonites, his community found him and begged him to deliver them. Did you not hate me and drive me out of my father’s house? Why have you come to me now when you are in distress?

Jephthah’s peers despised him, unable to consider how hurtful and toxic their words and actions were, until those toxic words and actions affected them. Then, they had to humble themselves, begging for help from the one they’d reviled. It would, of course, have been better for everyone, if they’d have been kind and humble in the first place.

I am impulsive. The most obvious manifestation of this has been my drug addiction, but even sober for 10 years, impulsivity is still a problem. I’m learning though. Daily, I must look at my yesterday, asking if I was impulsive or if I thought things through. Maturity means learning to play the tape forward, considering the consequences. If I don’t want to regret my words and actions tomorrow, I must consider their impact today. Usually, I’m far better off if I remain simply kind and humble, instead of trying to be clever, cutting, or funny.