Looking Back

In the fortieth year, on the first day of the eleventh month, Moses spoke to the people of Israel according to all that the LORD had given him in commandment to them . . . Deuteronomy 1:3

As I mentioned recently, last week marked 10 years of sobriety for me. This is always a time of reflection, during which I find myself reexamining the last 25 years of my life – 15 years of struggling with opioids and 10 years sober. I’ve made a lot of mistakes, and I’ve learned a lot of lessons. I’m far from perfect though. I’ve still got my struggles, and relapse is always an option. So, I look back to remind myself of where I’ve been and to remind myself of how I found faith and recovery. I’d very much like to remain sober and so, I must continue to live out the lessons God taught me through my addiction. If there is one predominant lesson, it is this – Following me leads to disaster and following God leads to life.

This is remarkably similar to Moses’ message in today’s passage. In Deuteronomy, as God’s people stood on the precipice of entering the Promise Land, and as Moses neared the end of his life, Moses retold the Israelite’s story of the previous 40 years. He reminded them of their successes and of their failures. He reminded them that when they walked with God, he walked with them and they enjoyed his blessings. When however, they followed themselves, they put themselves outside God’s blessing, finding calamity.  Their way led to disaster and God’s way led to life.

Though I don’t want to live in the past or be consumed by it, I’d be a fool to ignore the lessons of the past. I have swaggered through life, refusing to learn and I’ve repeated the same mistakes over and over. I don’t want to be that fool anymore. So, occasionally, I’ve got to look back, reminding myself what God has taught me. When I start down a path of some self-destructive behavior, I must recognize it and apply the lessons I learned in my drug use. Daily, I must look back at yesterdays, examining my successes and failures. Weekly, I choose to meet with a group of confidants, and we do the same. What did I do well? What went wrong? What do I need to correct this week?

A fool refuses to learn his lesson. I don’t want to be a fool. So daily, I must remind myself that following my way has brought me only misery and that following God has brought me joy and peace. It is in looking back and reminding myself of where I’ve been that I find my way forward.