The Borderline Christian

Come now, curse this people for me, since they are too mighty for me. Perhaps I shall be able to defeat them and drive them from the land, for I know that he whom you bless is blessed, and he whom you curse is cursed. Numbers 22:6

As I’ve mentioned previously, I grew up in a Christian home with a pastor for a father. I don’t remember not believing in God. I’ve just always accepted his existence. I also grew up in an Evangelical tradition, which means that we placed a high emphasis on faith for salvation, teaching that we’re not saved by our actions. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast (Ephesians 2:8-9). Faith, in my mind, was simply an acknowledgment of God’s existence, and grace meant that I could live however I wanted. When I needed something, I prayed to God, but otherwise, I made my daily decisions according to my will.

In the disaster of my addiction, which threatened to consume my entire life, I prayed to God, asking him to get me out of my mess. Even then though, my posture at first wasn’t one of following God’s will. My desperate prayer was that God do what I wanted, fixing my life. I still treated God as a genie who existed to grant me my wishes.

This kind of pseudo-faith was displayed in today’s passage. In it, the Israelites migrated into Moab, where the people feared them. Balak, king of the Moabites, sent for Balaam, whom he knew to be a prophet of God. Balak believed in Balaam and his God, and he attempted to hire Balaam to curse the Israelites so that Moab could defeat them. Balak believed in God and in his power, but he had no interest in following God. He simply wanted to use God to bring about his own will. Balak’s behavior illustrates belief in God, but it’s not faith in God.

Many of us have found ourselves in this position. Sure, we believe in God’s existence. We even pray when we need something. Is that faith though? Does it save us? If we’ve never allowed God to touch our lives, and if we’ve never made any decision to follow his will instead of our own, are we really practicing faith? You believe that God is one; you do well. Even the demons believe—and shudder (James 2:19)! Belief in a thing is not the same as faith. Faith means believing in a thing so much that we follow it, changing our lives for it. If we truly have faith in God, that faith must radically affect our behavior.