My Way

And the LORD came and stood, calling as at other times, “Samuel! Samuel!” And Samuel said, “Speak, for your servant hears.” 1 Samuel 3:10

Over 15 years of opioid use, I tried several times to get sober, relapsing every time. What was I doing wrong? I went to God, asking for help. I completed outpatient treatment twice. I went to AA meetings. I desired recovery, but I also had to do things my way. I would give up my drugs – for a while – but I wouldn’t give up my tobacco. I would go to meetings – for a few months – but I wasn’t going to do that forever. I wouldn’t listen to my counselor when he told me I needed to work at recovery, surrendering everything to God, every day for the rest of my life. I just wanted to stop using opioids – for a while – so I could get my life back. I wanted to be free of the destruction of drugs, but I wanted to do it my way and remained unwilling to surrender my will to God. I retained control. That’s why I kept relapsing.

This last time though, as I was losing everything, I finally went to God telling him I’d do whatever he asked. As it turned out, that was where God was trying to take me all along – to that place where I’d finally be willing to follow him. For me, that was the beginning of authentic transformation and recovery. Though my previous goal of recovery was a good thing, I kept trying to do it my way. My Way though, was my entire life problem. To truly find recovery, I had to become willing to surrender my way, becoming obedient to God’s way.

This singular commitment to following God is illustrated in today’s passage. In the story, Samuel was still just a boy, serving in the temple, when he heard God call him. Samuel! Samuel! Samuel’s reply was profound. Speak, for your servant hears. Assuming the role of a servant, Samuel let God know that he was ready to do whatever God asked.

I know that as a Christian, this is what I signed up for. If I call myself a follower of Christ, it’s my job to daily abandon my way to follow his (Luke 9:23). This voluntary surrender of will though, isn’t natural. I’ll always want to do things my way. Previously, it took the disaster of losing everything to get me to that point where I was willing to surrender my way for God’s. I don’t ever want to go back to that disaster. So, the challenge now is to daily put my way to death so that I can continue to follow God’s way. It is only in surrendering my way that I experience the life for which he created me.