Don’t Make the Mistakes I Made

And all that generation also were gathered to their fathers. And there arose another generation after them who did not know the LORD or the work that he had done for Israel. Judges 2:10

In practicing addiction medicine, I was trained to ask about adverse childhood events, with the idea being that a lot of adult dysfunction stems from childhood trauma. I certainly see this in jail, where inmates will often tell me of their horrific childhood and abusive parents. In turn, they are now being terrible parents to their offspring, who will soon struggle with drugs and legal problems. It can be a trap though, for the addicted inmate to blame his past for all his poor choices. He can’t change his past and the law doesn’t put his parents on trial. He alone is held accountable and at some point, if he wants his life to be different, he must take responsibility for his own actions.

In considering the root cause of my own addiction, I once asked my parents if they ever felt any responsibility. I guess I was surprised to hear them say that no, they didn’t feel responsible. I was glad though. My parents were wonderful parents, and I can’t blame them at all for my life disasters. I alone am responsible for my addiction, and I alone am responsible for seeking and living in recovery. I am desperately thankful though, that my parents pointed me to faith, so that when my life did fall apart, I knew where to turn.

I desire to pass that faith to my children. It’s always painful to watch our children struggle, but I also know that it’s unrealistic to hope they won’t struggle. Still, I don’t want them to make the mistakes I made. If and when they do struggle though, I hope and pray that I’ve pointed them to faith so that they know where to turn in the struggle. My wife and I have been purposeful about this, but still, we always wonder if we’ve done enough. Have we been good parents?

I’ve got to wonder if the Israelites in today’s passage asked themselves this question. In the story, as God’s people conquered the promised land and then passed the proverbial baton to the next generation, that next generation wandered from God. Whose fault was that?

I know that my adult children are now responsible for their own choices. Still though, it’s always painful to watch our kids struggle. I know they will struggle, but I also know that I bear some responsibility for teaching them how to respond. Daily then, I must pray for them and I must continue to do what I can to point them to the faith that saved me in my struggles.