Am I Trying Too Hard?

Provide three men from each tribe, and I will send them out that they may set out and go up and down the land. They shall write a description of it with a view to their inheritances, and then come to me. Joshua 18:4

I’ve long been interested in how I’m supposed to change my behavior. Even prior to my drug addiction, I recognized I had unhealthy appetites, which led to self-destructive behaviors that I wanted to stop, but which I engaged in repeatedly. I’ve always believed God wanted a better life for me and I’ve always believed he held the key to my transformation. So, whenever I’ve heard a sermon on the subject, my ears have perked up. Tell me how I’m supposed to change. Most preachers that I’ve heard speak to this subject have recognized that we lack the ability to simply resolve to be different. Often, they’ll say something like this, “If you’ve tried a thousand times to change and failed a thousand times, stop trying so hard. You can’t do it on your own. Rely instead, on God.”

Not one sermon though, has ever adequately explained what that looks like. I’ve always been left hanging. Ok, what does that mean? What does it look like to rely on God to change me? In my addiction, I resolved a thousand times to stop using drugs and I failed a thousand times. I then prayed a thousand times for God to change me. I thought that meant I was relying on him, but it got me nowhere.

Today’s passage helps answer this question for me. In the story, Joshua observed that seven of Israel’s tribes seemed content with not conquering all the promised land, thereby not inheriting all that God intended for them. How long will you be content with so little? He inspired the desire to change, but he didn’t simply resolve to conquer the rest of Canaan, and then sit back and do nothing. Rather, he made a plan, and then he executed that plan.

This is where I’ve failed so many times. My failures weren’t a result of trying too hard. My failures rather, were the result of resolving in my mind to change, but then doing nothing. Transformation doesn’t come from squeezing my eyes, clenching my fists, and promising to change. My addiction taught me that if I truly want to change, I must go to God, asking him what to do. Then, no matter how painful it may be, I must do whatever he asks. If I’ve failed repeatedly, it’s not because I’ve been trying too hard. It’s because I’ve remained unwilling to do enough, refusing to do what God has asked of me.