Gluttony Vs. Gratitude

And there was no longer manna for the people of Israel, but they ate of the fruit of the land of Canaan that year. Joshua 5:12

I am a man of large appetites. I want anything that makes me feel good, and I want a lot of it. I don’t simply eat one donut. I’m not satisfied until I eat six. I’m not depressed, and I don’t know of any emotional hole I’m trying to fill. My brain just likes anything that produces dopamine. When asked repeatedly why I used drugs, I couldn’t come up with any answer other than, I enjoyed it. I don’t feel bad. I just always like to feel better, and food, sex, and drugs do that for me. So, I want all those things, all the time. Any parent though, knows that allowing a child’s undisciplined, unregulated indulgence in his (or her) appetite is harmful. Likewise, unregulated indulgence in my appetite has led me to addiction and calamitous self-destruction.

Recovery then has meant learning to regulate my appetite. Since it’s my nature to desire that which can be self-destructive, I’ve had to learn, and am still learning, how not to allow my appetite to run my life. In reading my blog now, it may be easy for you to believe that I’m prescribing a faith that doesn’t allow the enjoyment of anything. No drugs. No sex. Only bland food. Honestly, I once believed that was the Christian life. I thought that God demanded discipline, suffering, and sacrifice on Earth so that I could enjoy heaven.

Today’s passage sheds some light on this misconception for me. In the story, as the Israelites entered the promised land, their diet radically changed. For 40 years, they’d eaten manna every day. Suddenly, in a land of milk and honey, they were able to eat the fruit of the land. For 40 years, they consumed a bland, repetitive diet provided directly from God. Why? God was teaching them reliance on him. God wanted his people to be able to enjoy food, but for them to appropriately do that, they had to first recognize their dependence on God, remaining grateful, and maintaining a healthy perspective on life’s pleasures.

There are those things that I simply cannot enjoy in a healthy manner. For instance, I can’t indulge in opioids, ever. There are many life pleasures however, that I can consume in a healthy manner. Living in faith and recovery doesn’t mean eating only gruel for the rest of my days. God made food and sex, which he created for me to enjoy, but my appetite can easily make a god of those things when I try to find my joy, purpose, and meaning in them. If, however, I daily remain dependent on God, following his will above my appetite, then I can enjoy those pleasures in their proper place. This, for me, is the difference between the healthy and the unhealthy – between gratitude and gluttony. God allows me to enjoy his creation, but I must do so within his boundaries.