What Made the Difference this Time?

And when the soles of the feet of the priests bearing the ark of the LORD, the Lord of all the earth, shall rest in the waters of the Jordan, the waters of the Jordan shall be cut off from flowing, and the waters coming down from above shall stand in one heap. Joshua 3:13

In 2014, I relapsed with opioids, tearing my life apart. I subsequently went to treatment and found a lasting recovery, which I’ve enjoyed ever since. That wasn’t my first attempt at recovery though. I’d done outpatient treatment twice before that, but each time, my sobriety was fleeting. So, what made the difference this last time? I absolutely give credit to God for saving me from myself, but he was there the first two times. Did he just finally decide to help? Or did something change in my posture towards God?

For a long time, I thought faith meant simply asking God to change my appetite. God, if you remove my desire for drugs, I’ll stop using. I wanted divine assistance, but I wanted it my way, requiring as little effort or disruption to my life as possible. Each time I prayed this, I felt God telling me to go to treatment, confess to my wife, and change everything. I remained unwilling to obey God and so I remained addicted. Yes, I did outpatient treatment twice, but I changed as little as I possible, simply jumping through the required hoops. Then, my life went back to normal. If I change nothing though, nothing changes. So soon, I was back using.

This last time, in 2014, I took a very different approach. Sick of the disaster of me, I went to God, telling him that I’d do whatever it took to stay sober. Tell me what to do and I’ll do it. At first, I tried to attach some strings to my obedience. I’ll follow you if you give me my family and career back. God made it clear though, that I wasn’t promised anything except that he’d save me from myself. So, I set out to do follow God. Every day, I began getting up early to read, pray, meditate, and point my life at him instead of myself. I was finally willing to do whatever it took to live in faith and recovery.

This is the lesson of today’s passage. In the story, Joshua finally led the Israelites across the Jordan River into the long-promised land. With no bridge though, God told his people that he’d miraculously block the waters from flowing – but not until the leading priest’s feet were in the water. They would see God’s mighty power, but first, they had to obey, following his will.

This was the difference in my life. For a long time, I expected God to miraculously change me, but he waited until I was willing to be obedient. Only then did I find transformation. God was there all along, but I didn’t get my miracle until I was willing to do what he asked of me.