Regrets, Failures, and Things I Cannot Change

And the LORD said to him, “This is the land of which I swore to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob, ‘I will give it to your offspring.’ I have let you see it with your eyes, but you shall not go over there.” Deuteronomy 34:4

You probably haven’t noticed, but I’ve not written about the dog for a while. In fact, I’ve been avoiding writing about him because he’s become a painful memory that I haven’t been ready to address. Because I write about the good and bad of my own life though, I feel it’s necessary to tell the story. So, here goes . . .

Finnick was a good, healthy dog of eight years. He was loving, obedient, very smart, and had become part of our family. He was everything you’d want in a dog – except that he hated strangers and developed a habit of biting them. We kept him away from the rest of the world for the most part, but eventually, he bit one too many people and in July, after another biting incident, we made the painful decision to put him down. The picture attached to today’s blog is taken the last day of his life. It was a decision that not everyone in the family agreed with, which caused a profound schism in what has been a very close family. The event itself was terrible. I sobbed, watching him nervously watch us as my daughter held him for the injection. Then he fell asleep and breathed his last. It was horrible. It felt like betrayal. It felt like I was killing far more than just the dog – I was killing relationships with those I loved the most.

Over the next few months, because of the damage done to our family, I’ve questioned my decision often. I think we did the right thing, but I’m not infallible and I could be wrong. Here’s the thing – I can’t change it. It was a once-for-all decision that I cannot take back. I did it and I now must live with the consequences.

I imagine that Moses felt something similar in today’s passage. In it, as Moses neared the end of his life, God showed him the promised land that he would never enter. Moses had faithfully followed God, leading his people out of Egypt and through the wilderness for 40 years, but because of one act of disobedience – striking the rock for water (Numbers 20) – God prevented him from entering the promised land. Moses must have felt profound regret, but he couldn’t change the past and he had to live with the consequences. To Moses’ credit, he continued to follow God, leading his people. Disappointed, Moses didn’t abandon his life purpose, but rather continued to do God’s will.

That’s a good lesson for me. I can’t change the past. I’ve made mistakes and I’ve made painful decisions – whether they were right or wrong – that I cannot take back. What do I do now? If I believe I was wrong, then I must change my behavior so that I don’t repeat my mistakes. If I was right, then I must believe that God will work things out according to his will. I must learn acceptance of the things I can’t change. Above all, I must continue to follow God’s will, not my own. I cannot undo the past, so now, I must learn from it and learn to live with it.