When I’m Right but I Act Wrong

When you are encamped against your enemies, then you shall keep yourself from every evil thing. Deuteronomy 23:9

Years ago, I found myself in significant conflict with someone in my church. I knew for an absolute fact that I was right, and that this other individual was wrong. Oddly, it didn’t feel like everyone was rushing to my side as I thought they should. I took my case to my father, a pastor, hoping for support and vindication. Hearing my spiteful, malicious tone, he warned me to guard my own attitude, words, and actions. He wasn’t nearly as interested in my conflict as he was in my venomous behavior. This baffled me a little. I was so right, and this other individual was so wrong. I just wanted everyone to admit it, tell me I was right, and to admonish the other guy. I want him punished. What I couldn’t see was that, in my own fury, I acted badly. I thought my rightness justified my animosity. Maybe I was right in my original position, but by embracing a toxic attitude, I became wrong, surrendering any moral high ground I may have once possessed.

In any conflict, I must first manage my own words, thoughts, and actions. That’s the lesson of today’s passage. In it, God warned the Israelites that, when in conflict with others, they needed to worry first about themselves. They first needed to keep themselves from evil.

God knew that nothing brings out man’s propensity for evil like the evil of others. When poked, prodded, and hurt, I desire to poke, prod, and hurt in return. In any disagreement, I become so obsessed with being right, that I forget about acting right. In my mind, the wrongness of the other party justifies any hateful thoughts, words, and actions on my part.

Sadly, this is probably the truest at home, with those closest to me. When my wife and I experience any conflict, I’m tempted to resort to fighting dirty. I’m right and you’re wrong. The most important thing is that I prove it. I demand vindication and I want you admit that I’m right. When I act badly though, I become wrong, surrendering any rightness that I may have had. Being right however, isn’t nearly as important as acting right. In any conflict, particularly at home, I must worry first about my own words, thoughts, and actions. Instead of being right, I must worry about acting right.