The Opposite of the Me-Life

Let the LORD, the God of the spirits of all flesh, appoint a man over the congregation who shall go out before them and come in before them, who shall lead them out and bring them in, that the congregation of the LORD may not be as sheep that have no shepherd. Numbers 27:16-17

So far, my worst trials in life have been self-inflicted, caused by a pursuit of I, me, and mine. Selfishness is at the root of most of my problems. When I don’t get my way, I’m frustrated, and I manufacture conflict. When someone contradicts me, my pride is hurt, and I get angry. When I want something, I take it, even when I know it’s not good for me. I’m prone to make decisions considering only my impulsive nature. My addiction was the most heinous example of this selfishness, when I sacrificed everything and everyone to get what I wanted. That was the epitome of the me-life – a profoundly prideful state in which I thought of myself above all else.

Recovery has been the opposite then – learning to think of others first. Pride, putting me first, was my problem. So now humility is the answer. I’m afraid I’m not very good at it though. I tend to think of humility as self-deprecation. I’m nothing. As a friend frequently reminds me however, humility isn’t thinking less of myself but rather, thinking of myself less. Instead of always putting my wants first, I must learn to put the needs of others first.

This is the behavior that Moses modeled in today’s passage. In the story, God led Moses to Mt. Abarim, so he could gaze upon the Promise Land. Because he’d disobeyed God in striking the rock though, God said that Moses would soon die, never entering the land. I’d think this would be a bitter blow to Moses. What?! I’ve served you for years! One little failure and I’m out? Moses didn’t focus on his disappointment though. Rather, he thought about his people, asking God to appoint a good leader to replace him. Take care of them when I’m gone.

In theory, I want to be that selfless. I’d like to be humble enough to put other’s needs first. This, however, is far from natural. I may be sober, but I’m still inherently selfish. The problem is that the me-life can never satisfy. If I desire to know the contentment, joy, and peace of Christ, then I must daily make an effort to live like him. Am I being kind, loving, and humble? Or am I being prideful, greedy, and selfish? Living in faith and recovery means continually seeking the opposite of the me-life.