That Which Hurts Us Most

While Israel lived in Shittim, the people began to whore with the daughters of Moab. These invited the people to the sacrifices of their gods, and the people ate and bowed down to their gods. So Israel yoked himself to Baal of Peor. And the anger of the LORD was kindled against Israel. Numbers 25:1-3

Often, when I’m interviewing those who’ve caused themselves significant destruction due to their substance use disorder, I’ll ask about faith. Faith is a core concept of the 12-steps and recovery, and so, I’ll ask them of their thoughts of God. Often, I’ll hear something like this – I always believed in God, but in my drug use, I turned from him. I couldn’t use drugs and look at God at the same time, so I looked away. I can only nod in understanding because I’ve been there. I grew up believing in God and I’ve always had some desire to live as he wanted. In turning to chemicals though, I knew I was engaging in behavior that was contrary to God’s will. So, I simply avoided God. It was my own desires then, that caused me to abandon my faith. I don’t think any external force could have hurt my faith the way my appetite did.

This is where the Israelites found themselves in today’s passage. In the story, the Israelites moved into Moab, where the people feared them. Balak, the king of Moab, considered a military option, but recognizing that God was on their side, he decided a direct confrontation was futile. So instead of fighting against the Israelites and God, king Balak sought to turn the Israelites from God. He didn’t attack Israel with a sword, but rather with food and sex. Enticing the people with their own appetite, he was able to get the Israelites to turn themselves from God. In doing so, he hurt them in a way that his army never could have.

A lot of us have found ourselves here. We believe in God, and on some level, we want to follow his will. Still, we desire those things that we know to be contrary to God’s will and when we indulge, we automatically turn ourselves from him. Maybe it’s drugs, or maybe it’s greed, pride, pornography, gossip, anger, or resentment. Whatever it is, when we turn to it, we turn away from God. External forces can never hurt us the way we hurt ourselves. Daily then, if we truly desire the lives God wants for us, we must examine our words, thoughts, and actions. Does this turn me towards or away from God? No one can take away our faith, but rather, it is in the pursuit of our way that we turn ourselves from God.