As Much as I Want

Thus you shall separate the Levites from among the people of Israel, and the Levites shall be mine. Numbers 8:14

My addiction was a never-ending search for more pills. I wasn’t supposed to have access to unlimited opioids, and so, I was always seeking that next bottle. I dreamt of an infinite supply, never having to worry about the withdrawal of running out. My appetite was insatiable though. The more I found, the more I needed. What I had was never enough. I can now see that even if I had unlimited pills, I wouldn’t have been happy. Infinite pills would have simply meant infinite misery. Immediate gratification always comes with some painful price to pay and that thing which I thought I wanted could never make me happy. Trying to find satisfaction in my pills was like trying to satiate my thirst by drinking sand. Addiction was a miserable existence.

Thankfully, the life of faith and recovery is the exact opposite. It has only been in abandoning my addiction to follow God’s will that I have been able to experience authentic satisfaction. God created me to find life in him and it is only in him that I find true joy and peace. So, how much satisfaction can I have? That is up to me.

Today’s passage reveals something profound about the character of God – He desires an intensely personal relationship with us. God created man for his own pleasure, to have someone made in his image with whom to have a relationship. Then, he chose the Israelites to be set apart for him. In today’s passage, we read how the Levites (one of the tribes of Israel) were set apart even further to be his priests, possessing an even deeper relationship with him. God, it seems, is always seeking those who are willing to go further, knowing him even better.

I don’t have to be an Israelite or Levite to experience this. Because of Christ’s death on the cross, I’ve been granted an intimate relationship with the father. In this relationship, I can have as much of God as I want. Where I once sought more and more pills, I can now seek more and more God. Unlike my pills though, which always left me bankrupt and empty, my relationship with God fills and satisfies me. Still, the more I know him, the more I want. God desires that I find satisfaction in an intimate relationship with him. I can have a little God or a lot of God. The choice is up to me. If I desire the joy and peace of God, I can have as much as I want. I simply have to daily do whatever it takes to abandon me, drawing near to him.