Addiction Chaos

For God is not a God of confusion but of peace. 1 Corinthians 14:33

In the beginning of my drug use, I felt I was in control. I used because the pill did something for me and I used on my terms. That didn’t last long though, as I became dependent on the pill. Over time, my addiction gradually consumed everything in my life. Once, I was in control, but eventually, the drug took over my faith, relationships, and career. The drug, it turns out, is a terrible life manager. Once, I had a stable, peaceful life, but in my drug use, my life turned into absolute chaos.

In my addiction, I was an anxious wreck, constantly worried about others finding out about my secret. The pill was supposed to help my insomnia, but ironically, I lost a tremendous amount of sleep to my fear of discovery. When my drug use was discovered, all my worst fears were realized as I lost my job, nearly lost my family, and found my name in the paper. My world was turned upside down in the chaos of my addiction.

I was desperate for peace. In my addiction, I remembered my faith and many times asked God to calm my anxieties. For a long time though, I wasn’t willing to do what it took to give up the thing that was causing the chaos. I remained unwilling to confess or go to treatment, and so, the chaos remained.

In today’s passage, Paul said that God was a God, not of confusion and chaos, but of peace and order. In the context though, he was teaching the Corinthians to change their behavior to match God’s order. He didn’t say, Just pray for God’s peace. Instead, he commanded them to live in a certain way to align themselves with God’s order so that they may experience his peace.

We often find ourselves at this point in our misery. We want peace and order. So, we pray to God, asking for him to calm our angst. Frequently though, we remain unwilling to change the thing that’s causing our anxiety. We want God’s peace, but we also want to continue the chaos-causing behavior.  God isn’t a sedative to be taken when we need calming though. He’s the cure to our misery, but in order to find serenity, we must be willing to live in it. Daily, we must go to God, asking what we need to do to know his peace. Then, we must do it – no matter how hard that may be.