My First Marriage
I will betroth you to me forever . . . I will betroth you to me in faithfulness. And you shall know the Lord. Hosea 2:19-20
Long before I was engaged to my wonderful wife, I went through one of those spells where I felt like I would never find anyone. I knew I wanted to share my life with someone, but that someone (now my wife), wasn’t interested. She later changed her mind, but at the time, I was missing my soulmate – the one who would complete me. Without that person, I felt inadequate and alone.
It was in that condition that I realized the importance of today’s passage. In the book of Hosea, God tells his people that his relationship with them is their first marriage. We were created by God to love him with all our heart, soul and mind. We were made to know and love God above all.
In this state – as I was searching for fulfillment in another human being – I realized that if I wanted to know true joy, I first must meet all of my deepest needs in God alone. I recognized this truth: I will never be happy as long as I depend on another human being to fill a role that only God can fill.
We get it backwards though. We have this inherent longing for someone to love us perfectly, but when we turn to another person, they inevitably collapse under the weight of expectation. Another human can never be what only God can be.
My wife is an incredible woman, but she is not God and she cannot be expected to play that role. The only way I can have a right relationship with her, is if I recognize the importance and reality of my first marriage. I must first find who I am in God, and only then, can my wife and I know true love.
Much of our angst and frustration in life comes from frustrated expectations. We attempt to find our joy and fulfillment in people, toys, money, drugs, drink, or food, but none of those things can make us happy. We will only find true joy and meaning when we turn to our first marriage, finding ourselves to be complete in God before all else.
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Trying to find my happiness in/from others was a very long and painful lesson for me. Any happiness I had was only on the surface, and fleeting at best. It wasn’t until I truly entered into a relationship with God that I really knew what happiness was – and oh man, was I sure missing out all those years.
Putting my relationship (or marriage) with God above all else has certainly helped me in my marriage to my husband and ultimately brought greater joy and fulfillment, but as you note – “The only way I can have a right relationship with her, is if I recognize the importance and reality of my first marriage. I must first find who I am in God, and only then, can my wife and I know true love” – how can you get to this if your spouse is not so committed to that first marriage?
Also, Congratulations on both of your marriages 🙂
Thank you and congrats to you also. 🙂 As much as I like to think I learned this lesson way back when, I (obviously) have wandered from this truth, trying again to find happiness in other places (like the pill). I still though, am daily tempted to place too high of expectations on those around me, and then when they “disappoint me”, my expectations turn to resentment. I know those who have found joy though, even in the most miserable situations. I would like to have that kind of relationship with God, that no matter what, I am at peace in him.