Can God Fix It?

Ephesians 3:20 Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us…

I once laughed bitterly at this verse.  In my addiction, I prayed for God to fix me and became cynical when He did not.  I grew hopeless and faithless as I questioned his power and his existence.

Three years ago, in the middle of my disaster, my mother told me something I will never forget.  She said that God could heal any injury.  She insisted that my life was not over and that God could make something of my mess.

I wanted to tell her this: While I appreciate your faith in God, you have no idea how many times I’ve begged him for help.  You do not understand what a mess I have made and how much of a disaster my life truly is.  My career is gone.  My wife is leaving.  God cannot or will not fix this.  I have ruined my life.

When in despair, I was unable to see any way out.  All I knew, was that recovery was going to be a mountain of misery.  I had to leave my job and go to treatment.  Recovery meant a complete disruption to my normal life.  If and when I got clean, my life was still a disaster.  Getting clean just meant I had to face my problems sober.  Looking back, I can see that it was obviously worth it, but in the midst of the calamity, recovery seemed horrible and impossible.

While in treatment, I had it out with God.  Recognizing the corrupt nature of my prayer to be magically fixed, I changed my prayer.  God, tell me what I must do to change.  He insisted that I do whatever it takes to deny self and follow him daily.  Make a genuine effort to daily leave behind your destructive nature and follow me. 

I tried to bargain.  I told God I would follow him, if only he would restore my job and family.  He told me that was not part of the deal.  I was guaranteed nothing except that if I followed him, He would turn death to life.  He promised to transform my catastrophe, but the message was clear: His version of good was not the same as mine.  I was out of options, so, I finally accepted his plan.

Though I do not do it perfectly, life has radically changed in pursuing God daily.  I still get derailed.  Though I point my life at God at 6AM, I am often off track by the time I leave the house.  Though I still fail, I am no longer enslaved to pills and life has sprouted where death once reigned.

This life which God has grown in me is not about things or money.  I did not get my job back, but I do have my family.  My life has not returned to what it was before, but then it could not have.  My life needed to radically change and it has of course, grown into something far better.  The life that God has grown in me now, is that I have peace, joy and hope in him.  Where I once could not stand to look in the mirror, I now enjoy my life, my time with God and my family.

As it turns out, mom was right.  God’s power was beyond what I could imagine.  Thanks for believing mom.  Love you!