And so he did for all his foreign wives, who made offerings and sacrificed to their gods. 1 Kings 11:8
Occasionally, while working with someone struggling with alcohol, I’ll encounter a spouse who refuses to remove alcohol from the house. During the discussion of how the alcoholic must cut alcohol out of his or her life, the spouse objects. Wait. I don’t have a problem with alcohol. Why do I have to make changes? This spouse wants his or her partner to stop drinking, but he or she refuses to make any sacrifices to get there. This is a problem. At this point, I’ve got to make the unpopular suggestion that, if the spouse refuses to remove alcohol from the house, he or she may have a problem as well.
I can’t imagine coming home to a place where opioids are readily available. If it’s in my immediate environment, I’m eventually going to be tempted by it. There were times, back when I was drinking, that I wished my wife would drink too. I would have had a lot less internal conflict, and it would have been a lot easier to drink, if she drank. Now though, I’m profoundly grateful for a spouse who supports my sobriety and who is part of a healthy home life. I’ve seen too many people find sobriety in jail or treatment, only to relapse when they return to a using environment.
If we surround ourselves with those who engage in unhealthy behavior, it will inevitably influence our behavior. That’s the lesson of today’s passage, in which King Solomon married hundreds of women who worshipped foreign gods. I’m sure Solomon told himself that he’d remain unaffected by their idol worship, but in his love (or lust) for women and power, he attached himself to those whose lives were going in a very different direction than his, and eventually they led him astray. Solomon wanted to follow God, but he continually put himself in an environment that encouraged him to worship other gods. The outcome was inevitable.
If we want our lives to go in a certain direction, we must surround ourselves with those who’re going in the same direction. When choosing a spouse, we may not think like this, but we should. If, however, we find ourselves already married to a spouse whose life is going a different direction, it may be uncomfortable, but it is necessary to have this discussion – Would you, for my sake, consider keeping alcohol out of the house? Finally, we must examine our own lives, asking ourselves if we’re the problem. Am I dragging my spouse down? As followers of Christ, our home should be a place that encourages a Christ-centered life.