And he did what was right in the eyes of the LORD, yet not with a whole heart. 2 Chronicles 24:2
When we first meet a new guy at our Sunday morning jail Bible study, my buddy and I always share a brief version of our life stories and then we ask the inmate to do the same. As I’ve repeatedly told my story, it’s become briefer and more succinct – My life story (and my greatest life problem) is this: Even though I’ve always believed in God and have always intended to follow him, I still often just do what I want.
I feel that, unfortunately, I’ve got a lot in common with King Amaziah from today’s passage, which tells how this Judean king believed in God and followed him . . . mostly. As king of Judah, Amaziah had good intentions and started out his reign by being obedient to God, winning a great military victory with God on his side. In celebration of that victory however, Amaziah brought home the enemy’s idols and worshipped them. Then, full of pride from his victory, he provoked the King of Israel to a conflict that would lead to his own defeat and capture. Amaziah meant well. He wanted to follow God. But he was terribly flawed, following his own impulsive nature. Amaziah was a good king, for a while at least. But if he’s remembered at all, it’s for his failures.
It’s a sad, frustrating story, one which I feel I’ve already repeated. I remember vividly when my addiction came to light in 2014. I’d done a lot of good things in life, and I was a good ER physician. But at that point, all anyone saw was my addiction, which I felt was unfair. I felt like I was being judged for a fraction of my life. I felt like I was 90% good and 10% flawed, but that everyone was focusing on only the 10%. This isn’t fair!
In retrospect, I see it. No one wants a spouse who is 9/10ths faithful. No one wants a physician who gets it really wrong 10% of the time. Good intentions are not the same as good decisions.
So today, I’ve got a choice. I don’t have to live a duplicitous life, believing in God but following me. I don’t have to follow me at all. I’m not saying I must live perfectly, but I am saying that I can, if I desire, live the life God intends for me. Yes, this will mean sacrificing my will for God’s will, but if I’m honest, I can see that following me has only led to pain and misery. Following God has led to life, joy, and peace. If I want my life story to be different from Amaziah’s, it can be, but I’m the only one who can make it so.