Therefore the LORD said to Solomon, “Since this has been your practice and you have not kept my covenant and my statutes that I have commanded you, I will surely tear the kingdom from you and will give it to your servant.” 1 Kings 11:11
Even though I knew the potential consequences of my addictive behavior, I never believed that I could wreck my life so badly. I didn’t think that I would really lose my job in the ER or that I’d end my marriage. So, when I lost my job and my marriage was in jeopardy, it felt completely unreal. It can’t end this way. My life was a nightmare from which I hoped to wake. But it wasn’t a dream. I did lose my job, permanently. I’d broken some things beyond repair, and I had to accept that. Thankfully, I didn’t end my marriage, though that seemed very likely at the time. I once just assumed that God would protect me from absolute disaster. So, when absolute disaster arrived, it didn’t seem possible.
Even though we believe in and claim to follow God, we can still cause ourselves tremendous misery and we can destroy some things permanently. That is the lesson of today’s passage, in which King Solomon allowed his foreign wives to turn him away from God to worship foreign idols. God had forbidden this, and so when Solomon completely disobeyed God, there were consequences. In his anger, God foretold that the kingdom of Israel would be taken from his son and given to his another. A few verses later, we read that Solomon died, but we’re never told if he repented. Even if he did, God didn’t relent on his promise, as the kingdom was later divided. For Solomon, his disobedience led to permanent loss.
Because we think of Jesus as all love, grace, and mercy, I think we often prefer to believe that we’re shielded from consequences. Like a confident child, ignorant of the dangers of running into the street, we think ourselves invincible. If we pursue our self-destructive nature though, we can and will self-destruct. God may give us many second chances, and he may give us a new life when we repent, but that doesn’t mean that we cannot break some things beyond repair.
I never got my ER job back. That’s gone forever. Now, in recovery, I don’t ever want to find myself in that situation again, saying, It wasn’t supposed to end this way. So, today, and every day, I must point my life at God, who daily saves me from my self-destruction.