There was war again between the Philistines and Israel, and David went down together with his servants, and they fought against the Philistines. And David grew weary. 2 Samuel 21:15
Recently, I was fortunate enough to travel with my wife, my adult children, and my parents to visit extended family. Every time I make a trip like this, I wonder if it will ever be the same again. As my kids grow and as we all age, things change and there’s no guarantee that we’ll all be together again. I’m grateful for the time I have with my family, but times like those always cause me to step back, examining my past and contemplating my future. Though I’ve been in recovery for the last decade, I wasted a lot of time in my addiction prior to that. I want to be able to look back at my life without regret. I want to be able to see that I purposefully invested in my relationship with my wife, kids, and family. I want to be able to know that I loved God and followed his will for my life. There was a time when I couldn’t look back without tremendous remorse, so I’m now grateful that I can look back with contentment at my last 10 years. Still, as far as I know, I’ve got some years left and so, I want to continue to live in such a way that I don’t regret wasted time.
I’ve got to think King David lived with a lot of regret. Once, he fought Goliath. Once, he followed God in everything he did. Then, however, he committed adultery with Bathsheba and killed her husband. This triggered years of conflict in his family and his kingdom, paralyzing David, turning him into a passive, sad old man. In today’s passage though, it seems that David found some of his previous zeal and again accompanied his army into battle. Once again confronted by Philistine giants however, David found himself too old and weary for this fight. His men had to intervene, after which they begged not to accompany them in battle, lest their king be killed. At this point, I’ve got to think that David realized he’d wasted his best years, embroiled in a conflict of his own creation. I’ve got to think that David looked back with regret at the time that he’d lost forever.
I’ve looked back with regret and now, I’ve looked back with contentment. Regret is miserable and I don’t want to go back there. So, daily, I must strive to live in such a way that I can look back with joy and peace, knowing that I lived well, appreciated my family, and followed God’s will. I am getting older, and life will eventually slip away from me. That’s unavoidable. I do not, however, have to live with regret.