Then Joab came into the house to the king and said, “You have today covered with shame the faces of all your servants, who have this day saved your life and the lives of your sons and your daughters . . .” 2 Samuel 19:5
In my drug addiction, my appetite made my decisions, which was a terrible guide for my behavior. My appetite isn’t always unhealthy, but my hunger for opioids is profoundly destructive, so basing my behavior off that hunger led to disaster. Similarly, my emotions are a terrible guide for my behavior. Not all my emotional impulses are unhealthy, but enough of them are that I cannot use them as a basis for my behavior. When I do, I say and do things that I later wish I hadn’t said or done. For example, if I feel underappreciated by my wife and have an impulsive feeling of resentment, I may say something terrible, which I’m later going to regret. However, if I take a few moments to appreciate all that she’s done for me, I’ll see the foolishness of my resentment and I’ll thank her for her love and care for me. One of these responses will lead to a happy, healthier relationship and one of them will lead to a fight. It’s not healthy to allow myself to be ruled by my emotions.
King David discovered this in today’s passage. In the story, the rebellion of his son Absalom had been put down and Absalom was killed. It was a great victory for David’s kingdom, but he couldn’t celebrate as he’d just lost his son. In his mourning, he wept and cried out for Absalom, so much that all the people actually felt ashamed of their victory. Of course, it wasn’t wrong for David to mourn the loss of his son, but when that sadness dictated his behavior, he began to repel all those who’d supported him. Wisely, Joab stepped in and reminded him of his duty as king. Now therefore arise, go out and speak kindly to your servants, for I swear by the LORD, if you do not go, not a man will stay with you this night, and this will be worse for you than all the evil that has come upon you from your youth until now (2 Samuel 19:7).
There are things I feel like saying and there are things I should say. The two are not always the same. It’s not wrong to have emotions and I can’t necessarily control what I feel. I am, however, responsible for what I say and do. When I allow my emotions to control my words and actions, I say and do things that cause me misery. When, however, I examine my emotions and think before I speak or act, I’m often able to avoid the misery that my emotions would create.