And when the mourning was over, David sent and brought her to his house, and she became his wife and bore him a son. But the thing that David had done displeased the LORD. 2 Samuel 11:27
As I’ve previously mentioned, 2014 wasn’t the first time I tried to get sober. And it wasn’t the first time I had to stand before the medical board to explain my opioid addiction. Six years prior, I went through outpatient treatment, stood before the medical board, and suffered very few consequences. I jumped through all their hoops and I met all the requirements to maintain my medical license. I also, however, reserved the right to use opioids again. When I eventually got off three years of monitoring, I immediately began looking for some way to get high. The problem was that I hadn’t really repented. I’d simply done what it took to avoid consequences – a fact which I wanted to celebrate. I got away with it. Now I can do whatever I want. This kind of thinking, of course, led to relapse and dramatic consequences six years later, at which time I did finally repent, change my behavior, and found authentic recovery.
I imagine King David also thought he’d gotten away with it. Having impregnated another man’s wife, he had that man killed in battle to coverup his sin. Then, after the woman, Bathsheba, mourned an appropriate amount of time, David took her as his wife. If David ever expressed any remorse up to this point, we don’t see it. In fact, he seemed to enjoy the fruits of his treachery as he got the woman he wanted. I got away with it. He hadn’t gotten away with it though – But the thing that David had done displeased the LORD. Though David thought he’d walked away with no consequences, God was about to intervene.
Back when I thought I’d gotten away with it, I truly hadn’t. In fact, suffering no consequences was maybe the worst consequence of all, because I had no impetus to truly change. In getting away with it, I failed to repent. And if there is no repentance, the behavior will continue. My toxic behavior continued, which eventually led to far worse consequences as I lost my job and nearly my family. Now, in recovery, I’m learning that I never really get away with sin as sin always has some toxic consequence. Sometimes the worst consequence is that it’s easier to commit that sin again when I’ve gotten away with it previously. I never really get away with it though, and so, daily, I must do whatever it takes to repent – turning from my way to follow God’s way.