Then Naomi her mother-in-law said to her, “My daughter, should I not seek rest for you, that it may be well with you?” Ruth 3:1
I’ve always loved being a parent. It’s defined much of who I am and has been one of the most fulfilling experiences of my life. Many times, as my kids were growing up though, I realized the day was quickly approaching when they’d leave home. Many times, I wished that time would stop – that they would remain young forever, never leaving. I realized though, that this was a selfish desire. I had no ability to make time stop, but still it was important that I recognized the desire as unhealthy. Healthy children grow up, mature, and eventually leave home. If I truly loved them, I should want what’s best for them, even if it hurts me. Wanting them to stay young forever is a love that doesn’t seek what’s good for them but rather seeks what I want. This kind of desire doesn’t say, I love you, but rather says, I love how you make me feel. This is akin to the love I have for donuts. It’s a love of self and it’s the kind of self-centeredness that led to my drug addiction. To truly love my children is to say, I desire what’s best for you.
This is the kind of love that Naomi practiced in today’s passage. In the story, she and her daughter-in-law, Ruth, had been widowed and were all each other had. Ruth took care of Naomi though, and Naomi depended on her. Naomi must have feared what would happen to her if Ruth remarried. Even if Ruth and her new husband cared for her financially, a husband would steal Ruth’s time and affection. Still, Naomi could see that young Ruth shouldn’t remain single just to take care of her. Ruth’s loyalty made it clear that she probably would have remained unmarried if Naomi had asked, but Naomi loved her and wanted what was best for her, even if that was contrary to Naomi’s desires.
I want what’s best for you. That is, surprisingly, not a natural thing for me to say. It’s not my nature to be selfless, seeking the good of others. Rather, it’s my nature to be self-centered and possessive. I love how you make me feel and I love what you can do for me. It’s how I’m often tempted to approach God, my family, and my friends – What can you do for me? That isn’t love though. Or at least it’s not love of others. It’s love of self, and it’s not healthy for any of my relationships. Authentic love seeks what’s best for those whom I claim to love.