And he went to his father’s house at Ophrah and killed his brothers the sons of Jerubbaal, seventy men, on one stone. Judges 9:5
In my addiction, one of the lies I told myself was that my drug use couldn’t hurt anyone as long as I kept it a secret. I really thought that I could compartmentalize my life, acting normally while using a drug that completely changed me. It sounds absurd now, but at the time, I truly thought I could pull it off. Eventually, my drug use spilled out of course, poisoning every part of my life, making my family sick along with me. Recovery then, meant addressing not just my illness, but the whole family’s illness.
Toxic behavior spills out of us, making everyone around us sick. This principle is illustrated in today’s passage, which tells the story of Gideon’s son, Abimelech. Gideon lived his life in obedience to God, delivering his people from idol worship and its painful consequences. In the end though, he tolerated idol worship in his own house, which was the downfall of his family. After his death, one of his sons, Abimelech, killed his brothers in a power grab. The passage tragically draws a straight line between Gideon’s failure as a father and his son’s fratricide. Gideon may have thought his idol worship was a small thing, but in the end, his “little” sin destroyed those he loved most.
I like to think I can do whatever I want in a vacuum, not affecting anyone else. I may be sober, but this is still a life problem. I’m still prone to selfishness behavior, failing to consider the impact on my family. I can tell myself that my toxic thoughts, words, and actions don’t affect them, but even if I can keep my darkest thoughts a secret, and even if no one ever finds out, my secret sins change me, inevitably changing how I interact with those closest to me. I can’t have healthy relationships and a healthy family, if I’m not healthy myself. It’s just not possible.
So, daily, if I want my kids to make good choices, it doesn’t start with me telling them how to live. It starts with me making good choices. Recovery has meant thinking about how my behavior affects those closest to me. I want my kids to know the life that God wants for them. So, I must daily seek that life myself. Daily, I must engage in honest self-examination, asking if there’s anything that’s keeping me from that life. Then, I must do what it takes to abandon my sin. If I want my kids to know the life God intends for them, I must know that life myself.