And he humbled you and let you hunger and fed you with manna, which you did not know, nor did your fathers know, that he might make you know that man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD. Deuteronomy 8:3
As I sat praying outside under the stars early this morning, I thanked God for where he’s brought me. I thanked him for new life, redemption, and recovery. I didn’t thank him for my addiction, but perhaps I should have. I’m not thankful for the pain I caused others, but I’m profoundly thankful for how God used my addiction to shape me. I’m not sure that I was every going to begin to learn authentic faith and obedience if I hadn’t gone through that misery. It was only in losing everything that I truly began to depend on God, following his will instead of my own. Still, I don’t do it perfectly. I continue to have my struggles. I can look back at my addiction and be thankful for it, but the struggles I have today frustrate me. Why am I still so flawed? Why does God allow me to continue to struggle?
Today’s passage provides some insight into the answer. In it, Moses reminded the Israelites that God allowed them – or even caused them – to be in need. God knew that if his people had every earthly thing they wanted, they wouldn’t comprehend their need for him. It was only in their trials that they saw their need for God. So, God allowed them to be hungry and then provided food. God allowed them to be thirsty and then provided water. In their hunger and thirst, they looked to God. The reality was, they always needed God, but it was only in times of desperation that they were aware of that need.
I need my need. I may not like it, but God uses my trials, struggles, and flaws to help me see my need for him. My life is most complete when I live by faith, looking daily to God’s will. My problem is that when everything feels like it’s going well, I don’t see my need for God and I’m tempted to wander. I always need God, but I often only see that need when I’m struggling. So, he allows me to struggle. That doesn’t mean that I’m meant to wallow in any addiction. As God allows me to struggle, he also leads me daily to new life, as long as I follow him. It is in daily using my struggles to keep me dependent on God, that he’s able to daily deliver me from those struggles, providing the life, joy, and peace that I may find only in him.