Oh that they had such a heart as this always, to fear me and to keep all my commandments, that it might go well with them and with their descendants forever! Deuteronomy 5:29
When I was young, I’m sure my parents had hopes and dreams for me. I know they wanted what was best for me, praying that I’d follow God’s will for my life. When I was a child, they’d have been heartbroken to know of the years of addiction that lay ahead of me. I cannot imagine the misery I put my parents through. I was out of the home during my addiction years, but I doubt that lessened their sorrow. As parents, it had to be horrible to watch me self-destruct, unable to prevent me from doing so.
As a parent myself now, it makes me sad to think about what I put them through. When my kids were little, I wanted to protect them from anything hurtful. As they’ve grown, becoming more independent, I’ve had to accept that I can’t always protect them, and I can’t make them make healthy decisions. It’s painful to watch our children struggle. When they repeatedly make unhealthy choices, suffering the consequences, we want so badly to be able to assume control over their decision making. Why don’t you just listen to us, doing as we raised you? Can’t you see the misery you’re causing yourself?
This must be a feeling which God experiences constantly, and it’s the sentiment expressed in today’s passage. In the narrative, God delivered the 10 commandments after which the Israelites responded appropriately, promising to follow God forever. To this, I think God sighed. He knew they had good intentions, but he also knew they were going to wander, following themselves to self-destruction. Being God, he could have forced them to always do right. In his love though, God granted his people free will, hoping they’d choose life, joy, and peace; while knowing they would often choose sin, misery, and pain.
It must be agonizing to be God, watching his children struggle repeatedly with the same self-destructive behaviors. When we turn away from him, reaching for our usual comforts – chemicals, pornography, resentment, pride or gluttony – he must shake his head in sorrow. Why don’t you listen to me, doing as I taught you? Can’t you see the misery you’re causing yourself? You don’t have to live like this.
As a parent, since I know this feeling, I should be mindful of my own behavior. In what way am I wandering from my heavenly father, causing myself misery? If I desire the life God wants for me, I must stop playing the stubborn, rebellious child, insisting on my own self-destruction.