For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. Hebrews 12:11
I’m a little late in writing the blog this morning, but then there’s nothing about this day that is going as planned. Right now, I’m supposed to be driving to Indiana with my wife, on the way to the biggest CrossFit competition of my life so far. Life though, doesn’t always go as planned. Last weekend, I came down with what I thought was stomach flu. I spent the weekend in bed, worrying that I might miss my competition. By Monday though, I was eating and was even able to work out on Tuesday and Wednesday. Yesterday morning, my gym even had an exciting send-off for me. This is going to happen! After trying to eat yesterday though, I took a turn for the worse – abdominal pain, nausea, and was unable to eat or drink, much less compete. I’ve been training for this for months, and honestly, I shed some bitter tears when I finally admitted to myself that it wasn’t going to happen.
So, this morning, after a fitful night of chills and abdominal pain, I didn’t write the blog I had planned on for today. Instead, I took some time to process my disappointment. If my drug addiction taught me anything, it’s that my natural responses are usually unhelpful. There was a time when, if hurting emotionally, I’d have reached for the bottle for relief. In fact, 10 years ago right now, I was sitting in treatment for exactly that problem. So, in recovery now, here’s the question – How am I going to respond? In my disappointment, I could turn towards the easy comforts: self-pity, anger, resentment, or even chemicals. Or I can practice the lesson of today’s passage.
In Hebrews, the author speaks of life’s trials and how I should respond to them. I’m not blaming God for my current situation, but the passage makes it clear that God uses the tough times to shape me. When life is easy, I don’t see my need for growth or change. When life disappoints though, that’s when I find out who I really am, and that’s God’s opportunity to grow me into who he wants me to be – But that depends on how I respond. In my frustration, I can self-destruct, or I can look to God, asking how I should grow and change.
In looking to God, I can be disappointed with this situation, but I can also find some perspective. CrossFit isn’t my entire life and even if I never compete again, I’ve still got my faith, family, and friends. I may not be on the podium at the end of this weekend, but I find a lot of comfort in the victory of realizing that I’m now making healthy choices when confronted with disappointment. I can’t control life’s trials, but I can control how I respond. And that response – not the trial – is what defines who I am.