For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. 2 Corinthians 4:6
In the disastrous consequences of my addiction, I had to report to the state medical licensing board, who bears the responsibility of protecting the public from chemically impaired physicians. They assured that I went to treatment and then monitored me for four years, during which time I had to participate in random drug screening. I’m sad to say that I’d been there before. This wasn’t my first attempt at sobriety.
In my previous attempts, as I relapsed, I tried to cheat and manipulate the testing with calculated guesses as to when I’d be tested and for what. I came to hate the tests as they represented the light that threatened to expose my darkness. Later though, when I truly embraced recovery, they didn’t bother me at all. When I had nothing to hide, I didn’t mind the chance to prove my sobriety.
I see this often now. When a client in treatment is moving a little too fast or is a little too happy, he will likely find himself with a cup in hand, headed for a drug test. You can usually tell by observing his behavior if he has something to hide or not. The one who is innocent usually complies without much objection. The louder one objects to the light though, the more he’s hiding in the darkness.
Though it may not involve drugs or drug testing, most of us are familiar with this. We all have stuff that we keep hidden from the world. When threatened with exposure, we attack or become defensive. If someone points out our poor eating habits, we make excuses or confront in return. If someone asks to look at our computer browsing history, we’d probably want to erase it first.
We are as sick as the secrets we keep hidden in the dark. To heal, we must allow God’s light to shine through all of us. We’d prefer to claim to follow God while hiding just a few secret things, but he wants it all. I’m not saying we must confess our lustful or resentful thoughts in front of church on Sunday morning. I am saying that we need a close group of Christian friends (of the same sex) with whom we can be painfully honest. If we truly want to flee the darkness, then we must seek the light – no matter how painful that may be.