They have turned to me their back and not their face. Jeremiah 32:33
In my addiction, I turned my back on God. As the pursuit of the pill consumed me, I abandoned everything important in life, including my faith. I didn’t have time or energy for God, but in my shame, I also just couldn’t stand to look at him.
Recovery then, has been the process of doing whatever it takes to turn from my addiction, towards God. My feet follow my gaze, so to recover, I’ve had to figure out how to turn my eyes from self, towards God.
The mistake I’ve made, many times since then, is to think that this was a once-for-all decision that I made in treatment. I’m not using drugs today, so I must be on the right path. I’ve discovered what many other addicts have discovered though. It’s painfully natural to abandon one addiction, only to find another.
I am constantly diverted by my own flawed nature. God wants me to pursue him with all of me, but I’m easily distracted. Like Peter, walking on the water, I’m fine as long as I keep my eyes on him. Also, like Peter though, my gaze is easily sidetracked by the wind and waves.
What turns me from God? Anything not-God can potentially be a distraction. Food, money, success, toys, family, pride, popularity, or career can become my god, turning me from the one God. Not all of these things are wrong in themselves, until I follow them above all. It is only in keeping my eyes on him, making my feet follow, that I learn to manage everything else appropriately. It is only in following him above all that I keep everything not-God in its proper place.
What does this mean practically? It means that daily, we must do whatever it takes to turn to God. For some, today, this will mean going to treatment. For others, this will simply mean putting down social media and picking up the Bible. If we want to know the life found in God instead of the disaster of following ourselves, we must continually turn our face towards him, making our feet follow.